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Today, I am looking at the question of guilt, specifically in regards to an affair, on our dreams.
The first thing to remember when trying to understand our dreams, is that we are trying to understand ourselves. If we have behaved in any way that causes us feelings of conflict, our dreams will try and resolve this conflict. Instead of thinking, “how has this action impacted my dreams?” a more helpful route would be to try and start undertsanding what is at the heart of this matter – which, to excuse the pun – is your heart. And usually not just yours, but two other people as well; the new lover and the first partner. Before you judge yourself harshly, or alternatively, let yourself off the hook entirely, it is important to understand honestly why you did what you did. Dreams can help us to gently explore these deeper motivations that we may not want to face up to in real life.
This is where dream work can become really valuable. Maybe the reason for having an affair is that the current relationship is not meeting our expectations in some way, and having an affair is a way of “getting back at” your partner, of filling a need your current partner doesn’t. Maybe the affair comes from learned behaviour in childhood, where one or both parents had affairs, and you subconsciously integrated this as normal. Maybe the reason is because you have been emotionally hurt, and now seek to jeopordise what happiness you may have as a means of control, or becuase you feel you don’t deserve it. These are a but a few reasons, and our dreams can help us understand what might be at work in each personal situations. Look for references to the past, people you have known, to help understand what may be at the centre of your problem.
But this is just the first step. The next step is what to do about it. Our dream’s ultimate goal is to provide resolution to conflict. We all know the pharse “sleep easy” when some one is entirely at peace with themself and their choices in life. But so few of us are all the time – this is what living and learning is all about. If you have had an affair and feel soem degree of discomfort about it, look to your dreams for suggestions as to what to do about it. Maybe your dreams will help you decide who you would rather be with, but at the very least, they should help illuminate what your motivations are, what your insecurities are, and what it menas to be loved to you.
Our dreams will always challenge us to do what we know deep down is the right thing. Our dreams are the voice of our conscience tapping us on the shoulder, or when we don’t listen, shouting to us loudly, maybe in the form of nightmares or recurring dreams. But dreams don’t stand in judgement of us, they are afterall, our deeper slef, and are acting with our best self interest at heart. Our dreams will try and help us, guide us, counsel us. But if we ignore there good advice, be prepared for a few sleepness nights and some rather forceful dream messengers!
Finally, if understanding your dreams during these times is too confronting and difficult, try to work with them more abstractly to begin with. Try putting your dream images and messages into poems (it doesn’t have to be good, or even rhyme, this is for your eyes only!) or you could even try to paint or draw your dreams. The important thing is to take time to reflect. Be gentle but firm and disciplined with yourself. Soon you should start working through the confusion, and know what the right thing to do is. And with a more peaceful life, more peaceful dreams should soon follow.
