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Sometimes the unfolding of our own personal growth can feel like we are going in circles
After a while you may wonder if all this work in understanding your dreams is even worth it. It is natural to feel exhausted, like our energies could be better directed elsewhere, or to get bored or frustrated with the whole thing. When we have diligently kept a dream diary, worked hard to understand our own dream symbols at this particular time of life, patiently tried to synthesise them all into a meaningful whole and then consciously attempted to apply these messages to waking life, it can seem sometimes like we are simply going around in circles. So you have figured the baby in you dream is your new work project, and you are trying to give it attention to make it successful, while also nurturing your own inner child by having fun and still maintaining balance in your life; then to go to sleep and dream… of a baby! Again! You may wonder if anything you have done made even the slightest bit of difference.
It has. Don’t get discouraged. Our personal growth is not in a straight line, but it is not going round in circles either. Think of it more like a spiral. Even though the place may be familiar, you are not the same person who was here before, this is a different time and even the place has changed. We grow in cycles like the seasons. Just as each Spring is unlike any Spring that has ever been before or will ever be again, so too is our experience of life.
So why should we work in understanding our dreams? The short answer is of course, that we don’t have to. Millions of people around the world either don’t remember their dreams, don’t remember them well or pay them little heed. Even those with more than a passing interest rarely dedicate themselves to a path of disciplined self study, and are content with the odd discussion or flicking through a dream dictionary. And do these people seem to be missing out on anything special? Not if you don’t know what you’re missing. And you only know that once you apply yourself.
Consider this: we spend a third of our lives asleep. Many people perceive this time as wasted, which it is to a degree if you don’t do anything with it. It could be argued that these people actually spend their waking lives only half awake, for they do not understand the mysteries going on inside them every night, and every day. We take for granted that we lose consciousness every night, that our minds are filled with strange and marvellous visions and experiences. Tibetan Yogi Tenzin Wangayal Rinpoche points out the over the next ten years we will spend 3 years asleep. If we were to take ourselves to a remote monastery or some distant mountain top for three years and reflect, mediate, work on our spiritual practice and attempt to know ourselves fully, imagine what progress we could make in our lives! Imagine what amazing clarity of mind, what insights, what wisdom, what inner peace! How better equipped we could be to get the most out of the rest of our lives, to free ourselves from the illusions of fear and doubt, to unbind the chains of self limiting beliefs and behaviours that bind us, to heal our selves from the lingering pain of past hurt that continues, even though the source for it is long gone. And yet, we can do all this and more in our dreams. We can come to know ourselves, and enhance our lives, simply by practicing our dream work. And all this while still holding down a job, looking atfer the family and taking out the garbage.
Life is so short. It is so precious. We should not waste any of it, sleeping or waking. And we absolutely should not spend any of it being unhappy, when we could find a way for ourselves to be happy. So even if it feels like we are taking baby steps, at least we are learning to walk. One day we will run and even fly. If it feels like we are going in circles, at least we are moving, and remember it is only our distorted perception that makes us seem like we aren’t progressing. Given time, we will be able to look back and see how much we really have learnt and grown. But more than that, we owe it to ourselves to do everything we can to experience the magic and mystery and wonder and delight that it means to be conscious, to be human, to be alive.
We must remember to patient, persistent, and to enjoy the ride. Afertall, it will be over before we know it.
What important thing is slipping away from you?
I have already written a post about babies in dreams in general, but I would just like to take a moment to address in more detail the concern I hear frequently about a dream of losing your baby. You may or may not have a baby in real life, but in your dream, you are responsible for a baby that you forget, lose, let slip down the drain, have to give away or discover was never even yours at all. These dreams can cause a lot anxiety and heart-break, so I would like to hopefully put some worried minds at rest.
Remember, even if you are pregnant or have recently become a parent, this dream is not about your baby, but about yourself. To new and expecting parents, these dreams can seem particularly worrying, but there are variety of reasons why you may be dreaming of a lost baby at this time. Some (but no means all!) reasons include:
- Pregnancy releases hormones that drastically effect sleep and dreaming. Studies show that dreams even change according to which trimester the mother is in, and which hormones are effecting her. So on one level at least, you know Mother Nature has a hand in all of this!
- It is not unusual for pregnant women, especially first time mothers (and also fathers), to experience a high degree of anxiety about the impending birth and the responsibility of parenthood. Dreams of stressful situations may be a way for the subconscious to work through all your deeply held fears; but more than that, by having a kind of imaginary “dress rehersal” of all the worst case scenarios (often totally unrealistic) the subconscious mind somehow seems to build a sense of confidence that it can cope with anything. Therefore the far more realistic challenges of parenthood seem a breeze by comparison, so these dreams serve as kind of pressure valve and enable parents ironically to feel less anxious in waking life. (One study shows that women with high degrees of anxiety dreams during pregnancy actually experienced shorter labours, suggesting there may be a link between preparing or practicing for a smooth birth in your dreams so when it comes to real life, you know what you are doing!)
- Dreaming of losing the baby when you are caught up in the serious planning required for a new or extended family can be an indication that you feel you are losing a part of your self. This may be your inner child, that you can re-connect with by having some fun, kicking back and letting go of the serious grown up part of life for a while. (Try doing something totally childish and playful - blow bubbles, draw with crayons, play on the swings in the park, whatever makes you laugh, relax and remember what its like to feel young again.) Or it may be that in becoming a parent, you feel you are losing something else important to you. Maybe you have had to give up a career, a creative hobby or a fulfilling past-time. Either way, dreams of losing the baby in this sense can be a suggestion to take care of yourself, and nurture something that is important to you as well.
- Baby dreams may come up when you are having your own family because you are reminded of a past hurt or unresolved issue from your childhood. In this case, your subconscious may be asking you to look at what you really feel about experiences in your childhood, and to learn to love and nuture yourself in order that you are fully healed and available for your own children. You can do this by a simple visualisation technique, going back to the time and remembering your pain, then imagining yourself as you are now, all grown up and about to give your own child lots of love. Imagine yourself giving yourself as a child this love too. Or alternatively, put a picture of yourself as child in the baby’s room. Each time you see it, and see your own child, remember how much you love them both. This can help heal your own inner child. For more serious unresolved issues or extreme persistent anxiety, please see if you can discuss this with some one who can help.)
Even if you have no children, dreams of losing the baby can be shocking and traumatic. This kinds of dreams are common amongst parents and those withour children alike. No matter who has a dream of losing a baby, we can consider:
- What is the precious thing in our life that we have recently lost, given away or fear we will have to? What are we missing out on?
- When as a child did we feel hurt, rejected or unloved? How is this similar to how we feel now?
- Where are we neglecting our own needs?
- Where are we being too serious, and losing touch with what is fun, simple and enjoyable in our lives?
Dreams of losing a baby invite us to look at our ways of behaving and any old beliefs we carry with us from childhood that maybe aren’t helping us grow anymore. They remind us to nurture ourselves, tend to old wounds so that we may heal and let go of the past, and not give up what is most important to us. In life, we are often forced to make choices that seem like we must give up one thing special in order to have another. Dreams of losing the baby help us recognise that the most important thing to never give up on is ourselves.
(I am researching dreams during pregnancy, so if anyone would like to contribute, please email me with a description of your dream and what trimester it occured in. You can contact me at: dw@thedreamwell.com)
What precious thing needs care and nurturing in your life?
Babies in dreams can mean a variety of things.
They can refer to our own inner child, the part of us that remains innocent, spontaneous, playful and trusting. These kind of baby dreams ask us to look to where in our life we need nurturing. Do you need to take better care of yourself, or maybe you have judged your self harshly and need to be a bit kinder and gentler to your self.
They can mean a new project in your life, something that you create and nuture as “your baby.” The age of the baby can sometimes indicate when this project was started or “conceived.”
If you lose or forget the baby in your dream, you might feel a terrible sense of sadness or guilt. Look for where in your life you feel you have lost something precious. This might be a new loss, like loss of a job, giving up something personally valuable to you in order to achieve another goal, or help someone you care about. It might also be an old loss, remembrance from a pain in your past that was unresolved, when the innocent, trusting part of you was hurt or let down. Baby dreams ask us to address these issues, so we can feel trusting and happy again.
And while it is not the most common reason for people to dream of babies, some women do realise they are pregnant by dreaming of their baby. This is because the subconscious mind often knows before the conscious mind what is going on in the body, and will send us messages to let us know!
The important thing to remember, is that even if you dream of your own children, or children you know, these are usually symbols your mind is using to express an idea to you. There is no need to feel anxious or guilty over your parenting skills, but you might want to look at what other causes for anxiety there are in your life, and remember it is just as important to care for and nurture your self as it is to care for your baby.
- Well, well well – 3 holes in the ground!
The dreams you have when you are travelling can take on a whole new flavour inspired by the country you are in. It can be fascinating to see how your mind will pick up on local images and customs to influence the characters and locations of your dreams. Often these dreams will still include fragments of your home mixed with experiences from your travels, so dreams can become rather confusing. It is not uncommon to have dreams like “I’m at home, only it looks like my hotel room” or “I dreamed I was on the beach, but everyone was wearing work clothes.”
My first couple of nights in Dubai, my mind leapt upon the imagery of the men and women in local costume, their bodies covered completely with white robes for men or black for women. My dreaming mind loved this new symbol to work with! And all the characters in my dream dressed this way were benevolent and helpful. In a chase dream I even hid my precious treasure (a baby) with them, and they looked after it for me. In this way, I knew my subconscious was both integrating the local culture into my mind, but also reassurring me that I would be safe here, and even that this place would be helpful in my own development and growth (the baby.) So keep an eye out for how the apparently different symbols of a new culture can filter into your mind and give you new amazing insights to both yourself, and the people of the place you are with.
